"Bring me the youth who has defiled my wife". He shows me a painting on the wall of the woman who has been tainted.
Having a task to do for him, I eagerly dive into the water. I dive deep, and swim until I see something odd. Four wildly moving sticks, or maybe a plant of some kind, penetrate the surface and into these waters. I swim closer, but not close enough that the sun can reflect off of me. As I close the distance, I see the woman from the painting and realize these are not sticks or plants but the legs of two people. One is his wife, so the other must be the youth. With a speed I did not know I had, I strike the youth's legs and drag him to the depths. How I should make him suffer, for the suffering of my master must have revenge - but he did not say to harm him, only to bring him. So bring him I shall.
Out of the water I crawl, and spit out this vermin to my king. He is glad to see I have accomplished what he asked, but the smile dose not reach his eyes. I am tasked with taking the youth back into the water, somewhere so deep no one will ever find him again. He bids me farewell, and commands me live a life like a natural creature would when I am done.
After abandoning the youth in a deep cave under the water, I swim back towards the surface. I hope to see the man again, I hope him knowing that youth is forever gone will bring him peace. I break the surface just enough so that my eyes can see, as I see other creatures like me do. Off in the distance, I see a crowd and the man. They tie the wife to a pole, I assume so that no other youths will touch her again. My assumption is almost right, as no youth or anyone can touch her now that she is on fire. I cannot understand why he would do such harm to this woman, since he asked me to do so much harm to the man who courted her. If he loved her so much to hate this man enough to banish the youth to an abyss, why banish her in flames?
I watch until the crowd disperses, leaving only the man on his knees looking up at the flames. It is very quiet now, and he is more melancholy than when we first met. He stays at the fire, until the fire is no more, and the woman is no more. In his despair, he turns to look across the water and sees me. He approaches the distance, I am so thrilled at the idea of another task that might make him happy.
"I know no feelings other than heartache, as revenge has not snuffed out the fire in my heart like the flames that have snuffed out that harlot's existence. Do me one last task, and take me to the bottom of the lake".
As his wish is my command, and as I only hope this will ease his pain, I do as he wishes. It takes me several moments to reach the bottom of the lake, and upon my last look at this man, he seems to have found peace in these deep waters.
Author's Note
I wrote this story from the crocodiles point of view. I have pretty strong feelings about cheating, but I don't agree with what the husband did so to avoid being biased I wrote the point of view from the crocodile. I wrote an extended ending of the original story, to illustrate that for most situations revenge does not fix what was broken. In the story I gave the crocodile a duckling like attachment to the scribe - he is the person who brought him to life and the first person he saw so this is my reasoning for him doing whatever he commands. He also is so new to the world, I decided to make him a little naive so he doesn't understand death, only understanding emotion and having some what of an object permanence issue (the wife is there and then the wife is gone to him - banished, not killed). I decided that if the man was so enraged by the affair to kill both the youth and his wife, it isn't such a crazy notion that he might kill himself once the dust settles. Original story.
This was a story I didn’t originally read, so at first I was confused as to why what was happening. Once I got more into the story though it was all good. This is so sad. It makes me think of the love a dog would have for their master and the amount of effort they would put forth in order to please them :c It’s something artistic to me when someone who goes to depths that low for vengence and remove themselves from the world after is so chilling and thought-provoking. I loved that twist!
ReplyDeleteHi Selena! I really liked the way you wrote the crocodile's character for your story. I could definitely feel the crocodile's duckling like attachment to the scribe that you mentioned in your author's note. I thought the crocodile's thoughts were written very well for this, since they did a great job of portraying his fixation on trying to please the scribe. That does make me wonder if the crocodile would be able to live with purpose or any kind of will of his own after the death of the scribe. I would be interested to see how the crocodile handles life without someone telling him what to do, especially since he was told to live like a natural creature after completing his other tasks. Maybe some details about that or even thoughts the crocodile has in response to being told to live like a natural create would add to that part and clear up some of the mystery behind what happens to the crocodile afterwards. I really enjoyed your story and look forward to reading more from you!
ReplyDeleteHi Selena! This was a story that I wasn't familiar with, so the beginning few paragraphs had me a bit lost, But as the story continued I got a better sense and enjoyed it. I loved the intense feeling of loyalty that you gave to the crocodile. It made a somewhat intimidating creature much more relatable and lovable. Because the crocodile is the created object, it's hard to explain how he was created, but it would be interesting if there were a few lines before the consciousness of the crocodile describing why and how he was created. I was also wondering what time period this happened in? Was it during the witch trials? The response seemed similar. Again, it would probably be difficult to portray that since the croc is the narrator. I loved the way you removed yourself from making judgement by writing as the crocodile. It gave a dark story a more innocent sense. Overall, very good work!
ReplyDeleteHey Selena!
ReplyDeleteThis was a very fun story to read because I read the original this week for our reading and I also took inspiration from this story for my retelling. I like how you stuck to the original story but retold it from the crocodile's point of view. I thought that was very interesting considering it was previously a wax image before being brought to life. I was wondering why you chose to have the crocodile get to continue on and live his life like a natural creature? I know that in the original the crocodile is simply never seen again so I thought your twist was very interesting! If I could make a suggestion, I would say that maybe you should add more information about how the crocodile deals with being a living and hunting animal even though he never was before. Either way it was a great story! Good Job!
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ReplyDeleteHi Selena,
ReplyDeleteI'll start off by saying I did not originally read this story, so I was a little unsure at first of the way you rewrote it. I think depicting this story from the crocodile's standpoint makes it a very strong message. The innocence of this creature that is usually seen as violent, committing violent acts and looking on to violent acts. It actually made me a little sad. I wonder if you considered the relation of innocence in this story when try to depict it from the crocodile's view? Next time, if you choose to go a similar route in retelling a story from a different perspective, you might consider any underlying ideals that pop up when using that specific method of retelling. I have done a similar story retelling method, with my story of Pygmalion being retold from Venus's perspective. All in all though, this is one of my favorite stories I have read so far.
Hey Selena!
ReplyDeleteAs I read through the story it took me a bit to grasp the motives or opinions of the character I was listening to but very quickly it all came together for me and made sense. I loved having this told from the perspective you've chosen. It's refreshing to experience a situation from a neutral character, wanting the best for all sides and particularly for the man. I like the way you ended this one, with the crocodile believing he has completed his task and with the man finally discovering some level of peace. Great story!